


Someday you'll undestand

by SofiGracious



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, My First AO3 Post, english is not my fist language, god i want this to happen on the show so bad, so be gentle, this came from an angry rant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 03:03:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SofiGracious/pseuds/SofiGracious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a terrifying dream, Skye dwels on what she did to Donnie Gill. Thank God someone is there to help her move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someday you'll undestand

**Author's Note:**

> This came from an angry rant I wrote in regards of how badly the writers are handling (or rather not handling) the fact that Skye killed Donnie (her first kill) without her feeling anything. So here's what i would like to happen (and i'm sure it will not).  
> English is not my first language so forgive if it sounds very Tarzan like.  
> Hope you like it and comment :)

_She was on a boat. A big one. And it was sorrounded with ice. The boat was strangely familiar, even though she had no memories of it. She hears commotion in her right and she starts walking towards it, ignoring the little voice in her head telling her to stop. She realizes she's on the top floor of the boat, and the commotion comes from below her. On her way towards the stairs she feels a precense on her right and turns frightened. It's a mirror, and the precense is her._

_She takes a moment to look at herself. She's dressed like she always does, faded jeans, a slimple t-shirt and a plaid shirt over it. Her long hair falls in waves over her soulders. It's how she usually dresses, so why does she feels wrong?_

_The sounds below her drives her atention back and she starts walking again. She can hear voices now. They're screaming. When she gets to the rail she sees a lot of suited men, soldiers of some kind. A girl with short hair she feels she should know, and another man. No. Not a man. A kid. Maybe 18._

_He looks scared, lost. Maybe he's like her, maybehe doesn't know why he's here either. But then, another man comes. A well dresed man. He gets the kid's atention and says something to him, and that's when the expresion in the kid's face changes. Now it's empty, with no recognition whatsoever, he's like a robot. Suddenly she's scared for him._

_Shots come from where she's standing, but she doesn't duck. She somehow knows they can't see her. The well dressed man says something else to the kid. And he starts...No...Is it...? He starts creating ice with his mind. Trying to hurt the attackers. But his face is the same, void of emotion. They're controlling him, she thinks._

_Suddenly she looks to her right ans sees a hooded person, standing with a rifle on their hands, a woman. She's pointing it towards the kid._

_Skye starts running towards her, ignoring the blasts of ice the kid is throwing. When she gets to the woman she stops abruptly._

_"What are you doing?" She snaps. "Don't you see he's being controlled?"_

_The woman doesn't turn. She can't see her face because of the hood. She gets no answer._

_"Answer me!" She screams. And then she grabs the hood and takes it off._

_The vission in front of her makes her breath hitch, and she almost falls._

_The hooded woman...is herself._

_But she's really not. Her hair is shorter, knotted in a ponytail, and she has bangs. Her clothes is different too. All black gear, bulletproof vest, with no traces of color. But the thing that gets her the most is her face._

_It's hard, cold, distant. It has almost the same face the kid had, void of emotion. But this Skye had something the kid didn't. Recognition. She knew exactly what she was doing._

_When he other Skye put her finger on the trigger, the real Skye stood up, knowing exactly what other Skye was going to do._

_"No" She said trying to her her attention. And she touched her._

_She didn't know what happened. But now it was her own finger on the trigger. She was trapped. In a body that was and wasn't hers at the same time._

No! Don't do it! _, she screamed in her head, but her moves weren't hers._

_Her hold on the rifle hardened._

He's just a kid! _, Skye cried, unable to do anything more._ He's a controlled kid!.

_But the body (her body) did not respond. It pulled the trigger and the kid fell. Into the water. Into oblivion._

You're a monster, you're a monster, _Sobbed the real Skye._

_She thought her heart would be racing, but it beated slowly, controled._

_"The threat has been neutralized" Said the other Skye, with her voice as cold as the water below them._

_And the real Skye gave up._ I'm a monster.

* * *

 

Skye woke up with a jolt. She was breathing heavily and the sheets were wet with sweat. She tries to calm down, eavening her breaths and her heartbeat. Like May had thougt her, like she did when...

No, she can't think about that now.

She get's off the bed and walks towards the bathroom. She remembers where it is now, so she doesn't have to bother her roommates in the middle of the night.

The first nights she spent in the safe house with Ward and Kara had been hell. One particular night she was peeing herself real bad, so she opened almost every door looking for the bathroom. She opened Kara's and she found herself with a gun near her forehead. When Skye explained herself, the agent (ex-agent?) had sighed and showed her the bathroom door. It was embarassing, but she was thankful she didn't open Ward's by mistake. But that wasn't the worse. They were constantly keeping and eye on her. Preparing themselves for if one day she decided to call her team and tell them where they were. But she would never do that. Not for them but for herself. So they started trusting her more.

When she got to the bathroom she turned on the lights and looked at her image in the mirror. There were dark circles under her eyes and...where those tear traces? She opened the tap and washed her face with cold water. It did nothing to calm her. On the contary, the coldness of the water made her remember the dream.

She sat on the bathroom floor, with her back against the tub and her knees close to her chest. She tried to tell herself that she was protecting her team. That here was nothing else to do. That it was necessary. Coulson and May had told her those things when she did it. But then again, Coulson had fought with nails and teeth to keep Mike Peterson alive even though he was a threat.

_But this is different_ , said Coulsons voice in her head.

Yes, she responded. It was different. But not in the way he thought. Mike Peterson was a threat to hundreds of civilians, Donnie was a threat was a threat to a group of people that, for better or for worse, had brought that upon themselves. Mike Peterson was a desperate father. Donnie was a desperate kid that had lost his best friend and was being prosecuted by two organisations that wanted to use him. Cause SHIELD wanted to use him. What had Coulson said? _Donnie Gill is a powerful asset, if we can't have him, he must be put down_. And what did she said? _Copy that_. Nothng more. With an hysterical laugh she remember what she had said months ago about May. _Target accuired, threat eliminated_.

And the tears started streaming again. Of course her old self was disgusted with her.

"Skye?"

A voice made her look up. A well known figure stood by the door. A figure she spent weeks trying to avoid, and vice versa.

"Skye, what happened?" Asked Ward worried, kneeling besides her.

"I killed him" She blurted out.

With that he looked at her puzzled.

"What?" "Donnie Gill, I killed him"

He knew what she was talking about. Somehow. Maybe he had found out in that time when he was with Whitehall. But right now she didn't care. He sighed, with a pained look on his face.

"Skye, that..." He tried to find the words. "It was necesary"

She started shaking her her.

"You were trying to protect your people, Skye" He insisted.

"No, no" She said, her voice cracking. "I could...I could have done something else. He was a kid, Ward! A brainwashed kid! He was the one who needed protection, not us." With that her breath started to catch. "I killed a scared kid, and you know what I felt? Nothing!" She was almost screaming now. "Not a single thing, and he wasn't guilty, he wasn't" She hid her face in her hands and sobbed. "I'm a monster, a cruel hypocite monster!"

"No" Said Ward, his voice hard. He took her face in his hands, with force but not aggressively and made her look at him. His look was intence. "You're not a monster"

When she tried to complain he hushed her. "Listen to me, Skye. Sometimes, to protect the people you care about, you have to do bad things. And they tell you that it was necesary and you believe it."

At this point she was listening closely. Her eyes shimmering.

"And then you start to wonder it you could've have handle it differently. And you torture yourself, living in that moment when you could've protect them all. But you can't live in that moment forever, Skye. And you can't try to forget it either, cause it's part of you now."

His voice was full of something she hadn't hear in months. Affection. His hands had traveled down and they were warm against her neck.

"So the only thing we have left to do is accept it. Accept that we did wrong, that, yes, we could've handle it differently, but it's done now. And the only thing we can do, it's move on, and try to do better this time. For those people we let down."

She noticed the change of person, and remember a moment, far far away. When he had his hands on her neck the same way he had them now. He had told her. Someday you'll understand. She'd felt disgusted in that moment. Now she felt guilty, but thankfull. She understands now. Good God, she does.

They were silent for a while before she spoke.

"I'm sorry" She whispered.

He gave her a sad chukle and bowed his head. "Don't" He looked at her again. "At least you did it for someone who was worth it"

She wanted to say something, anything to ease his pain, like he had done. But the words didn't come.

Suddenly his expresion changed, like he had remembered he was supposed to be wary around her. He removed his hands from her neck, and she felt cold again. He stood up.

"Go back to bed, Skye" He said, all trace of affection gone. It stung.

She stood up and he let her out of the bathroom first. When she got to her door she turned.

"Grant?" She called him.

He tried to hide his surprise at the mention of his first name.

"Yes?"

"Can you stay with me?" She asked. "Until I fall asleep"

She knew she was stupid to ask that. The man didn't like her. At least not any more. She cold see the battle in his eyes. He'd say no, and he'd have every right.

"Okay" He said finally. And she let out a breath she didn't knew she was holding.

He sat on her bed while she lay down. Then he put his hand on her arm.

Skye sighed, calm. "Thank you"

And with that she fell asleep. No nightmeres to bother her.

* * *

 

When Skye finally fell asleep, he carefuly got up and out of her room. When he turned to his room he saw Kara sanding in her door frame.

"You're standing on dangerous territory" She said.

He headed to his door, before turning towards her.

"Aren't we all?"

And with that, he closed the door.


End file.
